Ventotene

I
My stomach churns and my brain sways with wine and waves. The sun burns and I feel ridiculously happy. My feet skip gently on the volcanic rock, my body high and moon heavy. The buzzing stops, replaced by cicadas and a clash of deep blue. The mighty cshhh… The world is shut out by the echoing silence. All those dried up cacti people, blended in mud and rocks. The only colour is blue. Everything is blue, I think I’m turning blue. Maybe if I sit still enough, I’ll fade into this rock. If I sit here long enough the tide will rise and the blue will eat me whole. I close my eyes and wait for a while, but I can never really make up my mind.

II
The cacti people keep chanting the same songs and their eyes beg for me to be lighthearted and fulfil my role. Sing us a song, they say in my mind, dance us a merry dance, what reason have you to be so scared? They want me rid of my armor inhibitions, but they haven’t seen the ugliness inside. This is a merry place, be merry! Stop being a selfish prude who only gawks at herself, we need you to sparkle, sparkle, sparkle. We know you’re hiding something, what makes you so special? Come take off your clothes and bare your soul. I am embarrassed and awkward, just a fish in the sea. This is not a blank slate, and I’m old and consumed. The comments and judgements remain those of my childhood and everyone here is missing a piece. A rather large, constructive piece. Isn’t it ironic that it is easier to communicate with strangers that with loved ones? We see each other through the lens of our history and it is often too hazy to be clear.

III
Up the gods rock,
To the top of the island
I climb – a lucky guest.
I’m crowned in laurel

And bigger than the sea.
Round and round
The sparkly heavens shove me;
The pitch black

Catches me.
I’m a microbe, a quasar;
A pillow, a knife!
I’m ready, I’m hazy

Your nightmare, your prize.
Have I yet the courage
For the dive –
The big dip.

I’m still green and weary
I shall dry up or slip,
Into death
and oblivion and dread.

Newton is dead.
Why are we still clinging to a flat Earth
Observe the atoms,
Ride the waves.

It is me I see
In every crook and corner.
It is me who sees,
It is me I see.

I am your Frankenstein
You mighty organizer
You puzzle maker
You forgot to flip the light switch.

You stuck me, colorful
to a monochromatic Earth.
Unrelentingly chasing
Hidden meanings,

Fireflies.

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